Dealing With a Difficult Manager

Your manager checks every little thing, changes instructions without warning, criticises you in front of others or simply ignores you. You go home replaying conversations and dreading the next one. Many people have been here, and there are ways to make it better, or to protect yourself while you work out your next move.

What is happening

Most "difficult manager" situations fall into a few types. Some managers are under huge pressure themselves and pass it down. Some were promoted for being good at the job, not for managing people, and never learned how. Some micromanage because they are anxious. A small number are genuinely unfair or abusive.

Understanding which type you are dealing with helps you choose a response. A stressed or inexperienced manager often responds to clear, calm communication. An abusive manager needs boundaries, records and, often, formal steps.

In South Africa, every workplace should have a grievance procedure, and you have the right to raise concerns without being victimised. If your manager's behaviour becomes bullying, harassment or unfair discrimination, it can be dealt with formally, and your union or a labour attorney can help. Across sectors, from a mine foreman to a store manager, a charge nurse or a team leader in a call centre, the same basics apply.

Signs to notice

• Instructions are unclear or keep changing, then you are blamed.
• You are criticised in public but never praised.
• Your manager checks your work constantly or takes over tasks.
• You are excluded from information you need to do your job.
• You feel anxious before every conversation with them.
• You have started doubting your own ability.

30-second self-check

Answer yes or no for the last month.

• Do you often feel confused about what your manager expects?
• Have you been criticised in front of colleagues or customers?
• Do you avoid your manager whenever you can?
• Has your confidence dropped since working for them?
• Have you tried to raise the problem and been ignored or punished?
• Is the stress following you home?

0-1 yes: It may be a communication issue that a direct conversation could improve.
2-3 yes: The relationship is wearing you down. Plan a conversation and start keeping notes.
4 or more yes: This is affecting your wellbeing. Get support and consider formal or career options.

What you can do next

• Today: Write down what your manager expects of you, as you understand it. Note any unclear or conflicting instructions.
• This week: Ask for a short one-on-one. Use "I" statements: "I want to do this well. Can we agree on what matters most this week?" Follow up in writing: "Thanks for the chat. Just to confirm, we agreed..."
• This month: Keep a record of incidents if the behaviour continues. If it does not improve, speak to HR, your manager's manager or your union, and use the grievance procedure if needed.
• Look after yourself outside work: sleep, people who support you and activities that remind you of your worth.
• If you decide to leave, plan it. Update your CV and start looking before you resign, if you can.

Your tool

Difficult Conversation Planner - walks you through what you want to say, what outcome you want, how the other person may react and how to stay calm.

When to get professional help

If the situation is affecting your sleep, mood or health, or you feel stuck and hopeless, a counsellor can help you cope and plan. If the behaviour involves bullying, harassment, threats or discrimination, get advice from a union or labour attorney.
Who can help: counsellor, career coach, labour attorney, psychologist

Getting help in South Africa

Your EAP counsellor can help you plan a conversation and cope with the stress. The Cleared Mind 24-hour Careline is 0800 212 146. If the problem becomes a formal dispute, the CCMA (ccma.org.za) or your sector's bargaining council can help. The Department of Employment and Labour (labour.gov.za) explains basic employment rights.