Family Abandonment

Most important right now: make sure you and any children have food and a safe place tonight. If a child has been left alone, call Childline on 116 or SAPS on 10111.

Being left behind hurts in two ways at once: the heartbreak and the money. Maybe a partner walked out, a parent disappeared, or adult children stopped helping. You may feel angry, ashamed or numb. All of that is normal. Start with the basics, then the law can help.

What is happening

In South Africa, parents have a legal duty to support their children, whether they were married or not. This duty does not end because someone leaves. You can apply for maintenance at the maintenance court, which sits at your local magistrate's court. It does not cost money to apply and you do not need a lawyer. A maintenance officer helps you.

If the person has disappeared, the court can help trace them. If they work, the court can order money to be taken from their salary. Not paying maintenance ordered by a court is a crime.

Older parents who are left without support may also be able to claim maintenance from adult children who can afford it. Children and caregivers may qualify for SASSA grants, such as the Child Support Grant or Foster Child Grant if a relative is caring for a child whose parents are gone.

Signs to notice

• A partner or parent has left and stopped sending money
• You are the only adult left caring for children
• Children have been left with a grandparent with no support
• You do not know where the person has gone
• Food, rent or school costs are no longer covered
• You feel too ashamed to tell anyone

30-second self-check

Answer yes or no. If you answer yes to the first question, stop here and get help now: call Childline on 116 or SAPS on 10111.

• Has a child been left alone or without an adult to care for them?
• Is there no money for food or rent this month?
• Has the person stopped all contact?
• Are you caring for children who are not your own?
• Is there no maintenance order in place?
• Are you struggling to cope day to day?

0-1 yes: If your yes was the first question, get help now: Childline on 116 or SAPS on 10111. Otherwise you have time to act. Start the maintenance claim.
2-3 yes: You carry a lot. Apply for maintenance and grants this month.
4 or more yes: You need support now. Ask a social worker for emergency help with food and care, and call the Cleared Mind 24-hour Careline on 0800 212 146 to talk.

What you can do next

• Today: Make sure everyone has food and a place to sleep. Write down what you know: the person's full name, ID number if you have it, workplace, phone and last address.
• This week: Go to the maintenance court at your magistrate's court and ask to apply for maintenance. Take your ID, the children's birth certificates and a list of monthly costs.
• This month: Apply for any SASSA grants you may qualify for. Ask a social worker about foster care if you are raising a relative's children. Look for a support group or counsellor.
• If the person who left was violent, a protection order may be needed too. The GBV Command Centre on 0800 428 428 can help.

Your tool

Social Support Needs Check - a short set of questions about money, food, care and the people around you, with where to go for each.

When to get professional help

Talk to someone if you cannot sleep, feel hopeless, are drinking more, or feel angry with the children. Children also feel the loss. If a child becomes withdrawn, stops eating or talks about not wanting to live, get help quickly.
Who can help: maintenance court, Legal Aid SA, family attorney, social worker, counsellor

Getting help in South Africa

• Maintenance court (at your magistrate's court): apply for maintenance free of charge. See justice.gov.za for information.
• Legal Aid SA (legal-aid.co.za): help with maintenance, custody and care matters if you qualify.
• SASSA (sassa.gov.za): Child Support Grant, Foster Child Grant and more. Check current amounts at sassa.gov.za.
• Department of Social Development: social workers for foster care and family support.
• Childline (116): support for children and people worried about a child.