Emotional Abuse

Being put down, controlled or made to feel worthless is abuse even without bruises, and support is available.

4 min read · Awareness resource · Reviewed 2026-09-26

If you are in danger right now: call SAPS on 10111, or 112 from a mobile. For 24-hour support, call the GBV Command Centre on 0800 428 428.

You might keep wondering if you are overreacting. There are no bruises, so it feels hard to call it abuse. But if someone keeps putting you down, scaring you or controlling your life, that is abuse, and it hurts.

Staying safe on your phone: if someone may check your phone, read this in a private or incognito tab, clear your browser history afterwards, or use a trusted friend's phone, a work phone or a library computer.

What is happening

Emotional abuse is a pattern of behaviour used to control, frighten or shrink another person. It can come from a partner, parent, adult child, relative or someone you live with. Over time it wears down your confidence until you start to believe what they say about you.

It often includes constant criticism, name-calling, threats, jealousy, cutting you off from friends and family, and making you doubt your own memory. Controlling money, taking your bank card or stopping you from working is economic abuse.

In South Africa, the Domestic Violence Act includes emotional, verbal, psychological and economic abuse. This means you can apply for a protection order at a magistrate's court even if you have never been hit. Emotional abuse can also grow into physical violence, so it is worth taking seriously early.

Signs to notice

You feel you are walking on eggshells
They call you names or humiliate you, in private or in front of others
They check your phone, track you or decide who you can see
They say things happened differently and you start to doubt yourself
They control the money or stop you from working
You feel smaller, more anxious or more alone than before

30-second self-check

Answer yes or no. If you answer yes to the first question, stop here and get help now: call SAPS on 10111 or the GBV Command Centre on 0800 428 428.

Are you afraid they might hurt you physically?
Do you often feel scared of their mood?
Do they insult you, shout at you or make you feel worthless?
Do they control your money, phone or who you see?
Do they threaten to leave, take the children or hurt themselves to get their way?
Have you stopped seeing friends or family because of them?
Do you blame yourself for how they treat you?

0-1 yes: If your yes was the first question, get help now. Otherwise, keep noticing. It still helps to talk it through with a counsellor.
2-3 yes: This sounds like a pattern of control. It is not your fault. Talk to a counsellor this week and start a simple safety plan.
4 or more yes: This is a serious pattern of abuse. Please call the GBV Command Centre on 0800 428 428 today to talk it through and plan your safety.

What you can do next

Today: Write down one thing that happened, with the date, and keep it somewhere private. Tell one person you trust.
This week: Talk to a counsellor through the Cleared Mind 24-hour Careline on 0800 212 146 or the GBV Command Centre. You do not have to decide anything yet.
This month: Rebuild one connection they cut off. Find out about a protection order at your nearest magistrate's court, and open your own bank account if it is safe to do so.
Remind yourself: their words describe them, not you.

Your tool

Domestic Violence Risk Check - asks a few private questions about fear, control and threats, and shows you the safest next step.

When to get professional help

Get help if you feel afraid, if you have lost confidence or sleep, or if the control is growing. A counsellor or psychologist can help you see the pattern clearly and plan, whether you stay or leave.
Who can help: counsellors, psychologists, social workers, Legal Aid South Africa, family law attorneys

Getting help in South Africa

GBV Command Centre (0800 428 428): 24-hour counselling and advice for any form of abuse.
Magistrate's courts: protection orders under the Domestic Violence Act, free, including for emotional and economic abuse.
Legal Aid South Africa (legal-aid.co.za): legal help if you qualify.
Cleared Mind 24-hour Careline (0800 212 146): confidential counselling, any time.
SADAG Mental Health Line (011 234 4837, 08:00-20:00): support for anxiety and depression that often follow abuse.