Financial abuse in relationships

Financial abuse is one of the least talked-about forms of abuse in relationships, partly because it can look like "just how our household works". It deserves to be named clearly, because it can be just as harmful as other forms of control.

What it is

Financial abuse happens when one partner uses money as a tool to control, limit or frighten the other. This can include withholding money, forbidding a partner from working, taking their earnings, hiding financial information, running up debt in their name, or closely monitoring and controlling every purchase. It often overlaps with other forms of abuse, and it can trap a person in a relationship because leaving without financial independence feels impossible. It is not a normal difference in money management styles. It is a pattern of control, and it is not the victim's fault.

Signs to notice

• Being given an "allowance" with no say over household finances
• Needing to explain or justify every purchase, however small
• Not having access to bank accounts, income or financial documents
• Being discouraged or forbidden from working or studying
• Debt taken out in your name without your knowledge or consent
• Feeling frightened to bring up money at all

What helps

• Recognise that this is a form of abuse, not a personal failing on your part. Naming it clearly is often the first step.
• If it's safe to do so, start quietly building financial awareness: know where accounts and documents are, and keep copies of important paperwork somewhere safe.
• Build a private support network, whether that's a trusted friend, family member or a counsellor, who knows your situation.
• Look into whether opening an account only you can access is possible and safe in your circumstances.
• Prioritise your physical safety when planning any next steps. Financial abuse often exists alongside other risks, so plan with support rather than alone.
• Keep a record of concerning incidents if it's safe to do so, in case you need it later.

When to reach out for help

If you recognise these patterns in your relationship, please reach out for support. You don't have to have a plan to leave to deserve help. If you ever feel physically unsafe, that is an emergency, not something to manage alone.

Getting help in South Africa

The GBV Command Centre (0800 428 428) offers confidential support and can help with safety planning. Cleared Mind's EAP counsellors are available for confidential, non-judgemental support to help you think through your options.

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If you or someone else is in immediate danger, reach out now. SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline (24h): 0800 567 567 or SMS 31393. SAPS 10111, ambulance 10177, GBV Command Centre 0800 428 428.