Challenging unhelpful thoughts

Our thoughts are not always accurate, even when they feel completely true in the moment. Learning to gently question unhelpful thoughts is a skill that can make a real difference to how you feel.

What it is

Unhelpful thoughts, sometimes called cognitive distortions, are patterns of thinking that skew negative or unrealistic, such as assuming the worst, seeing things in all-or-nothing terms, or taking things personally that are not about you. This is a core idea in cognitive behavioural approaches to mental health: thoughts, feelings and behaviour are connected, so shifting how you think about a situation can shift how you feel and respond to it.

Signs to notice

• Jumping to the worst-case conclusion, such as assuming a delayed reply means someone is angry with you.
• All-or-nothing thinking, such as "if I'm not perfect at this, I've failed completely."
• Overgeneralising from one event, such as "this always happens to me."
• Mind-reading, assuming you know what others think of you without evidence.
• Harsh self-criticism that would never be said to a friend in the same situation.

What helps

• Notice the thought and name it, simply saying to yourself "that's a thought, not necessarily a fact."
• Ask yourself what evidence supports the thought, and what evidence goes against it.
• Consider what you would say to a friend who had this exact thought, and try offering yourself the same compassion.
• Look for a more balanced version of the thought, rather than forcing yourself into forced positivity. For example, "this didn't go the way I wanted, but it doesn't mean I always fail."
• Write thoughts down when they feel overwhelming, since seeing them on paper often makes them easier to examine.
• Practise this regularly with smaller, everyday thoughts, so the skill is stronger when bigger, harder moments come up.
• Watch out for common patterns like catastrophising, labelling yourself harshly, or filtering out anything positive while focusing only on the negative.
• Be patient with yourself. Changing thinking habits takes repeated practice, not a single attempt.

When to reach out for help

If unhelpful thinking patterns feel constant, are linked to low mood or anxiety that will not lift, or are affecting your relationships, work or self-worth, a professional can help you build these skills more thoroughly, often through structured approaches like cognitive behavioural therapy.

Getting help in South Africa

A Cleared Mind EAP counsellor can guide you through practical techniques for challenging unhelpful thoughts. SADAG's Mental Health Line (011 234 4837) is also available for support and information on where to find further help.