Supporting a survivor of abuse

Someone you care about has trusted you with something painful, or you have noticed signs that worry you. What you do next can make a real difference.

What it is

Supporting a survivor of abuse means offering steady, non-judgemental care to someone who has experienced gender-based violence, whether physical, emotional, sexual or financial. It is not about rescuing, fixing or pushing someone to act on your timeline. It is about being a safe, believing presence while they find their own way forward, at whatever pace that takes.

Survivors often face disbelief, blame or pressure from the people around them, which can make it harder to reach out again. How you respond in the first conversation matters a great deal.

Signs to notice

You might be in a position to support someone if you notice:

• A friend or colleague becoming withdrawn, anxious or fearful around a particular person
• Unexplained injuries, or explanations that don't quite add up
• Someone cancelling plans often, or seeming to need permission for everyday things
• A person seeming afraid of their partner's mood or reactions
• Direct disclosure - someone telling you, even briefly, that something is wrong

What helps

• Believe them. Simply saying "I believe you, this is not your fault" can be more powerful than advice.
• Listen without interrupting, and resist the urge to ask "why didn't you just leave". Leaving is often the most dangerous time, and there are many reasons someone stays.
• Let them make their own decisions. Control has already been taken from them - your role is to restore choice, not add pressure.
• Offer practical help if you can, such as a safe place to talk, transport, or help finding information, without insisting they use it immediately.
• Respect confidentiality. Only share what they've told you with their permission, unless there is immediate danger to them or a child.
• Check in regularly, even in small ways. Consistency shows them the door is still open.
• Look after yourself too. Supporting someone through abuse is emotionally heavy, and you deserve support as well.

When to reach out for help

Encourage professional support if the person is in immediate danger, if children are at risk, or if you feel out of your depth. You do not need to have all the answers - connecting them to trained support is one of the most helpful things you can do.

Getting help in South Africa

Cleared Mind's EAP counsellors can guide you on how to support a survivor, and can support the survivor directly and confidentially. The GBV Command Centre (0800 428 428) operates 24 hours a day for both survivors and the people supporting them. In an emergency, contact SAPS on 10111.

---

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, reach out now. SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline (24h): 0800 567 567 or SMS 31393. SAPS 10111, ambulance 10177, GBV Command Centre 0800 428 428.