Self-harm in adolescents

Discovering that a young person is hurting themselves is frightening for any parent or caregiver. It's important to know that self-harm is usually a way of coping with overwhelming emotional pain, not a bid for attention, and it can be met with compassion and effective support.

What it is

Self-harm refers to deliberately hurting one's own body, often as a way to cope with intense emotional distress, numbness, or a feeling of being out of control. It can include cutting, scratching, burning or hitting oneself. It is not the same as a suicide attempt, though the two can sometimes overlap, and any self-harm should be taken seriously. It's often a young person's way of releasing unbearable feelings when they don't yet have other coping tools.

Signs to notice

• Unexplained cuts, scratches, burns or bruises, often on arms, thighs or stomach.
• Wearing long sleeves or trousers even in hot weather.
• Finding sharp objects, blades or other tools hidden among belongings.
• Increased secrecy, withdrawal or spending long periods alone, especially in the bathroom or bedroom.
• Expressions of self-hatred, hopelessness or feeling like a burden.
• Sudden mood shifts, from distress to unusual calm, which can follow an episode of self-harm.

What helps

• Respond with calm compassion, not shock, anger or punishment - this keeps the door open for them to keep talking.
• Ask directly and gently about how they're feeling and whether they've been hurting themselves - this does not plant the idea, and it shows you're safe to talk to.
• Avoid focusing only on the physical marks; try to understand the emotional pain underneath.
• Help remove access to means where possible, without making them feel policed.
• Encourage - don't force - professional support, and offer to go with them to a first appointment.
• Keep connecting with them through everyday moments, not just crisis conversations.

When to reach out for help

Any self-harm in a young person warrants a professional assessment - please don't wait for it to become severe or frequent. Seek urgent help immediately if injuries are serious, if they express thoughts of suicide, or if they talk about wanting to die or not wanting to be here anymore.

Getting help in South Africa

Cleared Mind's EAP counsellors are available to support young people and families through self-harm and the emotions driving it. A professional assessment can help identify the right ongoing support.

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If you or someone else is in immediate danger, reach out now. SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline (24h): 0800 567 567 or SMS 31393. SAPS 10111, ambulance 10177, GBV Command Centre 0800 428 428.