Bullying and cyberbullying

It takes courage for a young person to admit they're being bullied, whether it happens on the playground, at work-adjacent youth spaces, or on their phone late at night. Knowing what to look for and how to respond can make all the difference.

What it is

Bullying is repeated, intentional behaviour meant to hurt, frighten or exclude someone who often feels less able to defend themselves. Cyberbullying is the same pattern, but it happens through phones, social media, gaming platforms or messaging apps - which means it can follow a young person home and never really switch off. It can include name-calling, threats, spreading rumours, exclusion from groups, or sharing embarrassing content without consent.

Signs to notice

• Sudden reluctance to go to school, sports practice or social events.
• Unexplained anxiety around their phone - checking it constantly or avoiding it altogether.
• Torn clothing, lost belongings or unexplained bruises.
• Drop in grades, appetite changes or trouble sleeping.
• Becoming withdrawn, secretive or unusually irritable.
• Deleting social media accounts suddenly or having fewer online friends.

What helps

• Create regular, low-pressure moments to talk - in the car, over a meal - rather than a single big "tell me everything" conversation.
• Believe them the first time they speak up. Minimising ("kids will be kids") often stops young people from ever raising it again.
• Keep records of cyberbullying: screenshots, dates, usernames. This helps schools and platforms act.
• Report to the school, and use platform reporting tools for online abuse - most apps allow blocking and reporting.
• Help them build a support network of trusted friends and adults, rather than facing it alone.
• Encourage healthy responses: not engaging with the bully online, and stepping away from screens when it gets overwhelming.
• Praise their courage for speaking up - this reinforces that reaching out is safe.

When to reach out for help

Get professional support if bullying is affecting a young person's mood, sleep, schoolwork or friendships for more than a couple of weeks, if they express hopelessness or start avoiding activities they used to enjoy, or if the bullying involves threats of violence, sharing of private images, or extortion. A counsellor can help them process the experience and rebuild confidence.

Getting help in South Africa

Cleared Mind's EAP counsellors can support families dealing with bullying, including guidance on school engagement. SADAG's Mental Health Line (011 234 4837) offers advice and referrals for young people and parents. Schools are required to have anti-bullying policies - it's worth asking to see them. If the bullying involves criminal behaviour such as assault or threats, SAPS can be contacted on 10111.