Caregiver Burnout

You love the person you care for, and you are also exhausted, short-tempered, and running on empty. Maybe you have stopped seeing friends, or you get sick more often. Maybe you catch yourself wishing it would all end, and then feel terrible. This is caregiver burnout, and it is very common.

What is happening

Caregiver burnout is physical, emotional and mental exhaustion that builds up when caring goes on for a long time without enough rest or support. It is not weakness. It is what happens to any person who gives more than they receive for months or years.

In South Africa, caring often falls on one person, usually a daughter, wife or granddaughter, who may also be working, raising children and supporting others financially. Help from home care services, day-care centres and respite care exists, but it is not available everywhere and can be costly. Many carers feel they cannot ask for help without letting their loved one or their culture down.

Burnout can show up as irritability, feeling numb or detached from the person you care for, getting sick, poor sleep, and losing interest in your own life. It can also lead to depression, and to moments where your patience snaps. If you ever feel you might harm the person you care for, or yourself, that is a clear sign you need help straight away, and it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Signs to notice

• Feeling tired all the time, even after sleep
• Resentment or anger towards the person you care for, or other family
• Getting sick more often, headaches or body pain
• Pulling away from friends and things you once enjoyed
• Feeling hopeless, trapped or numb
• Using alcohol, sleeping pills or food to cope

30-second self-check

Answer yes or no. Go with your first honest answer.

• Do you feel exhausted most days, even after rest?
• Have you had no real break from caring in the past month?
• Do you feel resentful or trapped most of the time?
• Have you shouted at, or felt close to hurting, the person you care for?
• Has your own health got worse?
• Do you feel hopeless, or have you had thoughts of ending your life?
• Are you using alcohol or pills to get through?

0-1 yes: You are under strain but still coping. Protect your rest before it runs out.
2-3 yes: Burnout is setting in. You need regular breaks and more hands to help, starting this week.
4 or more yes: You are at, or near, burnout. Please get support now. If you have had thoughts of ending your life, reach out today.

What you can do next

• Today: Tell one person honestly how tired you are, and ask for one specific kind of help, like taking over for an afternoon.
• This week: Book something for yourself: a doctor's check, a counselling session, or a few hours off.
• This month: Set up regular respite: another relative, a paid carer, a day-care programme or a short stay in a care facility.
• Lower the bar where you safely can: simpler meals, fewer visitors, help with washing and cleaning.
• Join a carers' support group. Hearing from others who understand can ease guilt and isolation.

Your tool

Caregiver Load Check - a private check based on a well-known caregiver burden scale that shows how heavy your load is and which support to reach for first.

When to get professional help

Get help now if you feel hopeless, if you fear you might hurt the person you care for, or if your health is breaking down. A counsellor, social worker or doctor can help you find relief and plan care that is sustainable. If you are in danger right now, or you are having thoughts of ending your life, call the Suicide Crisis Helpline on 0800 567 567 (24/7). Caregivers reach this point more often than people realise, and it is a sign you need support, not a sign you have failed.
Who can help: counsellor, psychologist, social worker, home care service, doctor

Getting help in South Africa

The Cleared Mind 24-hour Careline on 0800 212 146 can connect you to a counsellor quickly. SADAG (011 234 4837, 08:00-20:00) can refer you to support groups. The Department of Social Development and hospital social workers can help you find respite and home care. CANSA and hospices support carers of people with serious illness. If the person you care for is at risk because you cannot cope, speak to a social worker so a safe plan can be made.