What Is a Parenting Plan?

When parents separate, the questions never stop: who has the child at Christmas, who pays for school trips, what happens if one of you moves? A parenting plan is a way to answer these questions once, in writing, so that everyone, especially the child, knows what to expect.

What is happening

A parenting plan is a written agreement between parents (or other people with parental responsibilities) about how they will care for a child. The Children's Act 38 of 2005, in sections 33 to 35, provides for these plans. Where co-holders of parental responsibilities and rights are struggling to agree, the Act expects them to try to agree on a parenting plan before going to court.

A good plan usually covers:

• Where the child will live and on which days
• Contact with the other parent, including phone and video calls
• Holidays, birthdays, religious and cultural days
• How maintenance and extra costs will be shared
• Schooling, health care and religious upbringing
• How you will communicate and make big decisions
• What happens if one parent wants to move
• How you will resolve disagreements, such as going to mediation first

A parenting plan must be in writing and signed by the parents. It must be in the best interests of the child. It can be prepared with the help of the Office of the Family Advocate, a social worker, a psychologist or a mediator. To give it legal force, it can be registered with the Family Advocate or made an order of court, for example as part of a divorce. A plan that is registered or made an order of court can only be changed through the proper process, so it pays to think it through carefully.

Is this you?

• You are separating or divorcing and have children under 18
• You were never married to the other parent and want clear arrangements
• You keep arguing about the same issues, like holidays and pick-ups
• You have a verbal agreement that keeps changing
• A new partner, a move or a new school means your arrangement needs updating
• You want to protect your child from ongoing conflict

30-second self-check

Answer yes or no to each question.

• Do you and the other parent agree on where the child lives during the week?
• Do you have a clear holiday and special-day schedule?
• Have you agreed how extra costs, such as school trips or medical bills, will be shared?
• Do you agree on schooling and religious upbringing?
• Do you have a way to settle disagreements without the child in the middle?
• Can you communicate calmly enough to plan together?

0-1 yes: You will probably need a mediator, social worker or the Family Advocate to help you build a plan.
2-3 yes: You have a start. Write down what you agree on, and get help with the rest.
4 or more yes: You may be able to draft most of the plan yourselves. Have it checked before registering it.

What you can do next

• Today: Write down the current routine as it actually works, including school runs and weekends.
• This week: Use the builder tool to draft each section. Mark the parts you agree on and the parts you do not.
• This month: Take the draft to a mediator, social worker or the Office of the Family Advocate. Once agreed and signed, register it with the Family Advocate or ask for it to be made an order of court.
• Build in reviews, for example when the child starts high school.
• Where the child is old enough, consider their views. The Children's Act gives children a right to be heard.
• If there is violence or abuse, do not negotiate alone. Get legal help and put safety first.

Your tool

Parenting Plan Builder - walks you through each section of a parenting plan, section by section, and gives you a draft you can take to a mediator, the Family Advocate or an attorney.

When to get professional help

Get help if you cannot agree on the main issues, if one parent has much more power or money, or if there is any history of abuse. A plan that is unsafe or unfair to a child will not be accepted, and signing one under pressure can cause problems later.

Who can help: accredited family mediator, social worker, family law attorney, Legal Aid SA, child psychologist

Getting help in South Africa

The Office of the Family Advocate, part of the Department of Justice (justice.gov.za), can help parents draw up and register parenting plans. Legal Aid SA (legal-aid.co.za) helps qualifying parents. Social workers at the Department of Social Development and child welfare organisations can assist. The Cleared Mind Careline, 0800 212 146, can connect you with counselling if co-parenting is taking a toll.