Supporting a friend in an abusive relationship

Supporting a friend in an abusive relationship means listening without judgement and helping them find safe, practical options.

2 min read · Awareness resource · Reviewed 2026-09-15

Watching someone you care about go through an abusive relationship can leave you feeling helpless or frustrated. Your steady, non-judgemental support can make a real difference.

What it is

When a friend or family member is in an abusive relationship, leaving is rarely simple - fear, finances, children, love, hope for change, and safety risks all play a role, and leaving is often the most dangerous time. As a supporter, your role is not to rescue or pressure them, but to offer consistent, judgement-free support that keeps the door open, whatever they decide, whenever they're ready.

Signs to notice

Your friend seems anxious, withdrawn, or "walking on eggshells" around their partner.
They cancel plans often, or their partner monitors who they see and speak to.
Unexplained injuries, or explanations that don't quite add up.
They seem to lose confidence, apologise excessively, or minimise their partner's behaviour.
Increasing isolation from friends and family over time.
They mention their partner's control over finances, phone, or movements.

What helps

Listen without judgement. Avoid ultimatums like "just leave" - this can push them away or increase danger.
Believe them. Many people who experience abuse are not believed, which deepens isolation.
Remind them, gently and without pressure, that support is available and it is not their fault.
Keep in regular contact, even small check-ins, so they know you're a safe, consistent presence.
Offer practical help if appropriate - a place to keep an emergency bag, help researching resources, or simply being available.
Avoid criticising their partner harshly, as this can make your friend defensive rather than open up further.
Take care of your own wellbeing too - supporting someone through this can be emotionally heavy.

When to reach out for help

Encourage your friend to reach out to a professional or support organisation if they haven't already, especially if there are signs of escalating danger, threats, or physical harm. If you believe your friend or their children are in immediate danger, encourage them to contact emergency services, or do so yourself if the situation is urgent.

Getting help in South Africa

The GBV Command Centre (0800 428 428) offers 24-hour support and can guide both your friend and you on safe next steps. Cleared Mind's EAP counsellors are available to support you as well, if you need help processing how to best support someone you care about. In an emergency, contact SAPS on 10111.

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, reach out now. SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline (24h): 0800 567 567 or SMS 31393. SAPS 10111, ambulance 10177, GBV Command Centre 0800 428 428.