Recognising GBV and coercive control

Gender-based violence and coercive control can be hard to name, especially when it builds gradually. Recognising the pattern is often the first step towards safety.

What it is

Gender-based violence (GBV) refers to harmful acts directed at a person because of their gender, and it includes physical, sexual, emotional and economic abuse. Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour where one partner uses intimidation, isolation, manipulation and control to dominate the other, often without obvious physical violence. It can include monitoring someone's phone or movements, controlling money, restricting contact with friends and family, and using threats, guilt or humiliation to maintain power. Coercive control is a recognised and serious form of abuse, not "just a difficult relationship".

Signs to notice

• Constant monitoring - phone checks, tracking location, demanding to know your whereabouts at all times.
• Isolation from friends, family or support systems, sometimes disguised as "wanting more time together".
• Control over finances, such as restricting access to money or demanding to know every purchase.
• Put-downs, humiliation or gaslighting that make you doubt your own perceptions.
• Threats - to leave, to harm you or others, to reveal private information, or to harm themselves if you leave.
• Feeling like you are constantly managing the other person's moods to avoid conflict.
• Physical intimidation, even without physical contact - standing over you, blocking doorways, breaking objects.

What helps

• Trust your own instincts - if something feels wrong or frightening, that feeling matters.
• Reach out to someone you trust, even just to talk it through - isolation is often part of how coercive control works.
• Learn about safety planning before making changes, especially if you are considering leaving - this can be done confidentially with a trained professional.
• Keep important documents, some money and a bag of essentials somewhere safe and accessible if you may need to leave quickly.
• Remember that abuse is never the victim's fault, regardless of what you may have been told.

When to reach out for help

Reach out immediately if you feel unsafe, if you recognise patterns of coercive control in your relationship, or if you are worried about your safety or that of your children. You do not need to have "proof" or be certain to ask for support - a professional can help you make sense of what's happening.

Getting help in South Africa

The GBV Command Centre (0800 428 428) offers 24-hour confidential support, counselling and referrals, including safe shelter options. Cleared Mind's EAP counsellors can also provide confidential support and help you think through next steps. In an emergency, contact SAPS on 10111.

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If you or someone else is in immediate danger, reach out now. SADAG Suicide Crisis Helpline (24h): 0800 567 567 or SMS 31393. SAPS 10111, ambulance 10177, GBV Command Centre 0800 428 428.